Forget your worries and stress. Forget about performance anxiety and fixations about technique.
Take a relaxing break with the help of erotic massage! Some sex therapists call this type of touch “sensuality exercises” (i.e. where you do not touch the genitals).
It is sensual because desire is aroused, and every millimetre of your sensitive skin is treated. So, don’t be afraid to try, either with your current lover or with a new partner. Touching causes you to come closer to each other.
Here you can learn how to do it properly, step by step.
The environment is essential. First, turn off your telephone.
Turn off all disturbing lights. Light candles and maybe some incense.
If the room is too cold, turn up the heat. If you have a fireplace, feel free to light a fire. Or make sure that you have candles lit.
If the message is to take place in bed, it is a good idea to put a sheet or towel over it, to protect the bedding from oils and creams.
It is best to massage your partner on a real massage table, but only a few have these. Then a stable table or dining table will do.
Use a blanket to make it softer and more comfortable, and have a clean sheet on top…
Pieces of fur (genuine or faux), as well as feathers, can be good accessories to enhance an erotic massage.
Music can be an important element of the massage if you like it.
Classical music is pleasant and relaxing, but not everyone wants it. Perhaps contemporary ballads work better instead?
There are a few different oils to choose between. Some oils get warmer when you breathe on them. Oils are available in many different flavours and scents, fruity and floral or more sensual, such as cinnamon, chocolate and vanilla …
If you can’t afford special massage oil, then it’s OK to use regular sunflower or olive oil… but it may not smell as good as its scented cousin.
Warm your hands first!
Cold hands make nobody happy. Warming your hands with massage oil on them before using it is important. Either hold the bottle under the hot water tap or take a click of oil in your hands before using it on your partner’s body.
Before you start the erotic massage, you should relax. This can be done in different ways. Look deep into each other’s eyes, breathe deeply together, hold each other’s hands, or caress your partner’s face.
When you are both ready, the person who is to be massaged should get comfortable. Start by massaging your partner’s back, legs and feet while they lie on their stomach. The basic rule of massage is that you continuously maintain contact with your partner’s body and make rhythmic and sensual movements from long sliding superficial caresses to more intense ones. When your partner’s body feels soft and warm, he or she must turn onto their back. Now massage their chest, arms and hands (one finger at a time). Then slide down to their legs. Maybe you “accidentally” touch his or her genitals while moving your hands down…
When you are done with their legs, move your hands up and lightly brush their genitals again, a little provocatively. This process can be prolonged by massaging the inside of the legs thoroughly for a long time, and just lightly touching the pubic area.
It is now time to concentrate on the more erotic aspect of the massage.
A woman’s sexual responses can vary considerably from a man’s, mostly by her arousal being generally more firmly tied to her emotions. A woman can also enjoy in many different ways – through clitoral stimulation and by getting the G spot caressed. Women’s excitement takes longer to build up, but, for the most part, it lasts longer than a man’s and can be stronger than a man’s.
Many women also can have multiple orgasms, i.e. several orgasms in succession, if sexual stimulation continues after she has had her first orgasm. This is also the most important difference between erotic massage for men and for women. Since an orgasm does not impose any restriction on a woman, she does not need to hold it back, but she can give herself; however, many she wants. Sure, it’s a bit unfair…
Many women like first to be caressed a little superficially over their whole genital area, and then have the clitoris stimulated, ending with deeper vaginal massage centring on the G spot and/or the clitoris.
Clitoral massage – learn what feels good for her. Find the correct way by stroking the clitoris in soft circles with a moistened finger. When you find a way she likes to be caressed, stick to it, but intensify the touch if it seems to be the right place. Some women feel that the clitoral orgasm feels better if the vagina is simultaneously stimulated, perhaps with fingers or a dildo of appropriate size.
G spot massage – The G-spot sits about two inches in the vagina on its front wall. Find your way by caressing this area rhythmically with one or two fingers, in a “come hither” gesture. You can also move your fingers back and forth in small circles. Remember that the vagina changes shape when excited, which means that you have to adapt your touch.
Keep in mind that intense stimulation of the G spot (inside the vagina) rarely feels like much to a woman when she is not sexually aroused. Make sure she is wet and is ready to be touched before switching to more intense stimulation. Use your free hand to caress the rest of her body: squeeze her nipples, brushing her face, pat her stomach, and massage the mons veneris, as well as the inside of her thighs and knees.
Sex toys are useful to stimulate the clitoris and to be used inside the vagina. There are many models to suit all tastes and appetites. If you have several, feel free to use them in turn, or combine them with each other, for example, a vibrator with a regular dildo or a plug.
…you should think about slowing down and maybe even stop what you are doing if you notice him approaching ejaculation. If you give him time, his enjoyment can carry on for much longer, instead of the erotic massage ending embarrassingly with premature ejaculation.
Being able to “cool off” can be a useful experience for him, as he can learn to read his body’s signals in this way, and even learn the art of having multiple orgasms, or orgasms without ejaculation.
Be firm and decisive with your hand, neither too rough nor too scared to hurt him. A good technique is to use two types of motion and switch between them. For example, use a softer and a more intense one.
Here are some examples of how to best massage a penis:
Open Hand – Hold the scrotum in one hand. With the palm of the other hand, stroke the penis all the way down from the root to the tip, and back down again.
Switching – stroke the penis from the top to the root with one hand, then do the same with the other hand. There will be a variation in the movement as you change hands (but start stroking up while the other hand is still in contact with the penis)
Climb the mountain – Grab the penis in one hand and squeeze it gently for ten seconds, then stroke it up and down at a faster pace. Repeat the gentle squeeze and then pull up and down twice. Repeat the gentle squeeze and pull up and down until he can barely hold himself any longer..
Excellent communication is important when it comes to erotic massage (or sex in general). Make sure that your partner feels safe and dares to say that, for example, you should be a little rougher or gentler, it’s too cold or too hot if he or she wants to take a break … Be sensitive and understanding and create a warm and welcoming environment.
To start by determining rules for how far the erotic massage is to go is a good idea, especially if you do not have a well-defined relationship. Make clear what the boundaries are before you start. This may sound a little boring, but not everyone enjoys sexual surprises.
This is best done lying on a bed – not on a table. Lie face-to-face and massage each other in the same way you previously massaged each other one at a time. Simultaneous massage can be used as foreplay or as a whole sexual act by itself – it is up to you how far you want to go…
… can feel almost as nice as with one. The advantage is that you get exactly what you want! All you need is your two hands, a little massage oil and peace of mind. Masturbation is still sex, but sex without a partner. You can use all the techniques described in this guide on your own.
After an erotic massage, you often feel very relaxed and satisfied, regardless of whether the massage ended with sex or not. It feels good to drink a glass of water or a cup of tea, wrap yourself up in a warm blanket and just relax for a while. Maybe sleep a whole night through, and wake up refreshed and alert, with new strength to meet the coming day.